Fill Your Own Cup - Without Guilt

Becoming a mom is a funny thing... It only takes a little plus sign on a piece of plastic you pee on to rewire your brain completely.

When I decided to host my first “introverts retreat,” all I felt was pure excitement. A trip to a bucket list destination with a group of like-minded, book-loving women? Sign me up! As time went on and the trip got closer, it was hard to escape the feelings of anxiety and guilt, specifically for leaving my family out of what felt like a once-in-a-lifetime adventure.

I spent some time wallowing in the guilt. “Am I selfish? Am I abandoning my family? Does this mean I don’t love my children enough?” Societal expectations often place us moms in a tough spot, setting up an impossible standard where self-sacrifice and constant availability are viewed as the key markers of good parenting.

Cultural norms suggest that prioritizing one's own needs is inherently selfish or neglectful, making it hard for moms to justify taking meaningful time away from family responsibilities. This means that when women do take breaks to meet their personal needs—whether for rest, connection, or exploration—there's an underlying pressure or guilt that they're somehow failing their families.

Filling Your Cup Matters

As cliche as it might seem, doing things for just yourself is so important. Burnout is a real thing, especially for moms who are constantly (like literally…) taking care of others daily. When I thought about taking a trip, I thought about how I would ultimately sacrifice the trip I actually wanted to take for the trip that would be fun for my family. Two very different things.

Having a life and hobbies independent of parenthood, your job, or your spouse is not selfish. It is necessary to model emotional security to our kids. We don’t need to rely on our partners to fulfill our dreams or wait for our kids to be grown to create our own memories. We can’t break out of the toxic motherhood martyrdom that has dominated our society without actively making choices that are for ourselves.

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Or so they say, right? Well, it is true. Having a short break away from the monotony of motherhood not only helps reconnect you with the aspects of being a mom you genuinely love, but it also helps reinforce who you are without your family. Your friendships, personal passions, and special interests have a chance to blossom and grow a bit more than they would at home or on a family trip.

Not only does it give you a break from the mundane daily tasks, but it gives your children and partner a chance to miss all of the invisible labor you do as a mom. There is so much thought and effort that go into running a home every day. Going away for a weekend is a good start, but being gone a whole week? There is no escaping laundry and a grocery store run in that time! Give your family a chance to remember everything you do for them.

Not only that, but it allows them to miss the little things. The sweet encouragement you give your older kid before they head off to school. The knowing look you shoot your husband amidst the chaos of bedtime - “Is it over yet?” And the warmest hugs that only come from their mom’s arms.

Tips to Help Navigate Time Away

• Frequent Check Ins - I added a widget to my home screen with an East Coast time zone clock, so I wouldn’t need to worry about navigating the time difference over and over. I also added a few alarms, like what time my kids usually wake up and when they are home from school. It has been nice to know I won’t miss a check in this way!

• Affirmations - Cheesy? Maybe. Do they work? Yep! "Taking care of myself helps me care better for my family.” “I deserve adventure.” “My love reaches my family across any distance.” Gently remind yourself that prioritizing your own well-being is healthy, not selfish.

• Give the Work Away - Allow yourself to trust in your partner’s abilities. This is hard in the early years, but it definitely gets easier as your kids get older. Let go of micromanaging your partner and empower them by setting them up for success. Did I make sure all of the laundry was done before I left? Yep. Did I make a meal plan and do a bunch of extra grocery shopping? Nope. They will be just fine. That might mean routines and expectations are different for a few days while you are away, but that’s fine! You aren’t there!

• Be Mindful - Know that there will be hard moments. I am keeping a tally of how many times I cry on this trip. I am about 48 hours in and am only at three (and once was for happiness), which is pretty good for me! Allow yourself to be sad and miss your family, but ground yourself in the present moment. Make all the feelings worth it and be present as much as possible.

Time for adventure….!

This getaway is only just beginning, and it will be the longest I have been away from my family. Ever. But fulfillment isn’t selfish. Having friends isn’t selfish. Living for yourself is essential if we hope our children will get to grow up and live fully for themselves, too.

Maybe a transatlantic trip is too overwhelming right now or out of the budget. But make yourself a priority. Add YOURSELF to your goal list. Find a way to pour into your own cup until it overflows into all of your loved ones’ with ease.

xxx,

Maddy